Some merry christmas it is. I'm such an idiot. You ever feel like that? Like you cant do anything right-even the most easiest of things? That's how i feel.

Why cant i feel happy? Why cant i make anyone feel happy?  Apparently im the biggest asshole in the world. I dont care about anyone else apparently. Sometimes i wonder why this is. I dont think i am this, but the people closest to me agree with all that. Why cant i just make ppl happy? I'm suffering so bad right now cuz of it. I want monica to be happy. I dont want to fight, to agrue, i dont want to feel like the most useless person in the world to her.

But i do. I am.

Guys, i love monica so much. She is the world to me. I think whats wrong is i dont know what im doing wrong and i cant fix anything cuz i dont know. I've hurt everyone around me. What am i going to do? I just wanna get off the face of the earth! But i dont want anyone to miss me!  Someone help me!! Before i lead to my destruction..... before i....

Hey ppl.

Things are goin better. Me and monica went to the mall yesterday for some quick last minute errands for her mom and ive been happy ever since. Cuz i really wanted to spend time with monica since i barely saw her this week due to all the shopping. But i am happy i finally got to hang out with my girlfriend that im proud to be with. Plus i ran into dan hughes my bowling partner from a while back. It was cool to see him again. Hopefully monica will come by tonight or we will do something together. I just want to be with her and thats all. I dont care what we do- just being with her is going to make me very happy. Monica in my arms.... that would be the perfect gift.

And things have been goin smoothly. I've been playing mario kart 64 with my brother, super smash bros, eatin, jammin, and im bout to go to the employee christmas party. I'll update you all tomorrow with  everything. Peace!

Yo ppl. What up?

So monica came by today before work, and got me the sickest gift ever: An ICP shirt! It's so cool. I love it! Thank you monica!  I love you!!

Anywho, today was kinda bad but not too bad. Check this out:

I ride my bike to the alley, practice and shoot 575 (average) and i was hungry so i rode as fast i could to taco bell . Im in a really big hurry to catch the bus, and this lady in front of me is ordering like the whole resturant. I was like damn bitch some of us gotta get the hell outta here! Anyway when i fianlly got my food i rushed over to the crosswalk to the bus stop and saw my bus slowly drive away. Fuck i swear! Like 30 more seconds earlier i woulda made it! So while i waited 20 minutes for the next bus to come, i decided to pull out one of my tacos and eat it. On the last bite (now before i go on, my shoes are usually really spotless and clean and i dont understand why! i treat them like shit!),  the whole end of the taco fell out onto my shoe. Man for some reason i was mad! Then i hopped on the bus, saw dan and flipped him off on the bus on the road, then chilled out at home at last and ate some food. And then tonight i had some mc donalds so i havent had any non fast food today! The life eh?

Anyway, well i am gonna get goin. And for the record: I am still goin out with monica and i am doing fine with her. So ppl stop askin! And keep em comin in the box yo. That thing is packed! Peace!

You think i give a shit whats up with u? Nah im playin. I find myself in a happy mood. Strange eh?

So these past few days have been angry and happy (we're talkin about since sunday). So i stayed out with monica until 4 30 in the morning. Man i am tired as fuck. The night ended off a little rocky bout started off great. I messed up completely but things are ok now. Monica wasnt mad at me, she just kinda sad. Im not going into detail. I have a life and i cant tell every single thing that happens in it.

I got grounded and man did it suck. The computer was toally fucked up, my brother just broke the san andreas disc, and i couldnt get a hold of monica and i couldnt play music with kelly cuz i was in trouble. So i went on a pouding rampage thru my house. Then i snuck over the alley gave monica these two songs i wrote her. Then she came by after work and i gave her her christmas gift and it looked like it made her happy. Ever since then, ive been in a good mood. Dont bring me down.

So far today, its been pretty basic. Went bowling shot a 612 with a 194 246 and a 172, went to mc donalds for some lunch, came back and played drums, listened to music, called monica, and tonight i plan to do the 50-50 raffle tonight where i sell tickets for the raff\le. Sounds like fun cuz most bowlers know me and monica is working at the same time. Right now im gonna wash up and head to the bowl to practice some more and mess around. Keep it goin in the box guys. Peace!